Gendo the Pimp
by Lord Splattergore
Summary: Crossover with Evangelion. Was Anno Hidaeki's vision a prophecy of things to come? Is Naota a threat to Seele? Why is Gendo wearing a pimp hat?
1. Prologue: End of Normality

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or FLCL. They are trademarks of the almighty Studio Gainax and were borrowed for this non-profit fan fiction story. Please do not sue._

Ultima Tech LTD proudly presents:

**FURI KURI: GENDO THE PIMP**

**Prologue: The End of Normality**

August 2nd, 2003. 8:59PM. Mabase, Japan.

"Eva! Eva! EVA!" A middle aged Japanese brunette man stated in a raised sing-song voice as his eyes were glued to the TV, watching a berserk purple mecha devouring some deformed beast. The volume was turned up to ear shattering levels so everyone in the house could hear it.

In an upstairs bedroom, a fourteen year old boy could hear the ruckus. 'He's watching that stupid show AGAIN?'

Kamon Nandaba, for the longest time, had been publishing books on the meaning of Evangelion. However, his hobby turned obsession when he began theorizing that the mecha television program was more than that. He was convinced that is was the prophecy of the gods. Or more accurately, the prophecy of his god, Hidaeki Anno.

Everyone thought he was nuts for it and didn't bother acknowledging his existence, save for his son, Naota, who was apparently annoyed by his EVA fetish.

Little did the unsuspecting world know...

Little did they know...

...That Kamon was right!

A loud knock on the door startled the middle aged man and he quickly muted the TV then hid under the coffee table.

Naota came down the stairs to answer the door.

"Don't answer, you fool," Kamon whispered, "that's the JSSDF, here to assassinate me on behalf of Seele!"

Naota glared at his old man briefly before proceeding to the door. Kamon, rather than sticking around, crawled towards the kitchen.

When the teen opened the door, he was greeted by the pizza guy.

"I didn't know we or..."

"Get inside!" The pizza man instructed.

"Huh?"

The pizza man drew a Glock 17 from a holster that the young man didn't see earlier.

Naota did as he instructed. When they were both inside, the perpetrator shut the door behind him. He noticed that his man was quite old, in his mid 60's.

"It can't be! You're..."

"Kouzo Fuyutski?"

"You mean my crazy father was right all this time?"

"Indeed. Now, we have to get you out of here before Seele's thugs arrive."

"Wait, what?"

"They're coming here to assassinate you because you are a threat to their cause."

"Huh?"

"The power of Atomsk was not in the Dead Sea Scrolls, so they are taking any precaution they can to make sure their scenario doesn't go unscathed."

"You're insane!"

"On the contrary. Atomsk is dead, he saw his end at the hands of Medical Meccanica, so he left his powers with you in hopes you could destroy them one day."

"Since when was Nerv concerned about Medical Meccanica?"

"Nerv? You mean Gehirn. Keel Lorenz, head of Seele, is also head of Medical Meccanica. With your help, we can free the universe from Keel's grasp."

"O... kay?"

"First, we're going to a hidden fall out chamber on the outskirts of this city to meat with our leader, Gendo the Pimp."

"You mean Gendo Ikari?"

"Correct, but he prefers to be called Gendo the Pimp."

"...Right." Naota snickered as he pondered, mocking one of his father's books, 'it seems the future would not play out word for word according the almighty Hidaeki Anno's prophecy."

After all, shouldn't he be in there?

((((section divider))))

Twelve years later...

Dr. Naota Nandaba, now a scientist in Project E, was busy trying to transfer his own energy to a prototype battery cell which could power the Evangelions for an eternity. However, he was having trouble as he was still unable to channel Atomsk's power at will. It was even harder when he met the new operations manager for the first time a couple days ago. 'That Katsuragi would be one hell of a catch.' He remembered her being in a bad mood because bedding the commander was one of the conditions for women working in this facility. "Gendo the Pimp," he laughed.

While a cool cat on the outside, Gendo was still struck with horror and grief from his beloved Yui's disappearance a year after Naota joined Project E.

He was taken aback by the man's cold exterior, especially when he forced his own son, Shinji, who just arrived on this day, to pilot Unit 01 and combat the third angel, Sachiel.

'That's three down, fourteen more to go,' he thought grimly.'I'm gonna be stuck here for a while.'

**End Prologue.**


	2. Ch 1: Hell on Earth

Disclaimer: See chapter prologue.

**Chapter One: Hell on Earth!**

Months later...

Naota was less than enthused about having to fly out to sea for the inspection of Unit 02, especially with the fact he had to do it right after he worked so hard to help with Gendo's plan to ensure than the Jet Alone malfunctioned. Sleep was something he wanted, but his comfort in slumber would be denied for now.

'That bastard sure cut it close,' he thought. He thought back to how awkward his encounter was when the supreme commander announced his plan to make the Jet Alone go ape shit. The whole time, the Project E head scientist, a faux blond woman named Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, was riding him.

He couldn't help but laugh as he recalled how loud she was moaning.

His train of thought, however, was cut short when the lavender haired operations manager announced they arrived on the sea carrier, which was named Over the Rainbow.

((((section divider))))

Naota grinned at the confrontation between one of Shinji's classmates, the burley jock, and the pilot of Unit 02. Of course, he grimaced in pain when she beat the holy shit out of him for flashing her. 'What a bitch.'

Abruptly, images of Haruko filled his head. The fiery red head had a lot in common with the pink haired space police, it seemed. Both were rather full of themselves.

'Poor Shinji, he'll have to work with her just about every day.'

((((section divider))))

While the former Mabase resident wouldn't admit it, he was stalking Misato. He followed her down to the carrier's mess hall where she sat down alone.

He sat at a table opposite to her. "Hey Captain Katsuragi," Naota greeted.

"Please," she blushed, "call me Misato."

He noticed she was eyeing him with delight. While Naota wouldn't consider himself handsome, this raven haired wonder thought otherwise. "Uh, alright Misato. Call me Naota."

She beamed, almost seductively. "Will do."

"Alright."

"So, Naota, you're here to inspect Unit 02 on Ritsuko's behalf?"

"That's right."

"Hmm."

"Yes?"

"You look exhausted."

"Yeah, work's a bitch."

"Don't I know," she threw him a wink.

She didn't, actually. Not to mention she had no idea of the nature of his unworldly powers. "You look pretty tired yourself."

"It's that fucking pig Kaji! Why the hell is he here?"

Naota was wondering if he should tell her that he was permanently reassigned to the Tokyo-3 branch, but he went against it. Of course, while it seemed like he was merely escorting the second child, he was delivering the embryonic form of Adam to the supreme commander.

"I don't I'll ask what happened between you two."

"Why don't I just show you?"

She got up and sexily strutted his way before straddling him.

"Uh, are you sure about this?"

"Of course. Maybe if I'm lucky, Kaji will catch us!"

The captain was in serious heat, and was eager to tell her ex off. Naota wasn't about to object.

"M-misato?" Said an unannounced third voice.

"Kaji, see..." she trailed off as she turned around, frightened. "Shinji!" She got off of Naota's lap and screamed, "Don't you ever touch me like that again, you chauvinist! Get out of here before I report you for harassment!"

Naota, being a perfectly rational individual, was understanding and said nothing as he left. On the way out, he ran into the others, Kaji, the red head clinging to his arm, as well as Shinji's classmates. As the males were glaring at him, they must have overhead. If they started something, it would be okay however. Naota was well versed in the martial arts ever since becoming part of Nerv, though Kaji might still present a slight tactical advantage. Luckily, there was no further incident.

((((section divider))))

Weeks have passed. Shinji and Asuka have destroyed the angel of the sea as well as the angel of music with a synchronized attack. 'And to think, this was all in Anno Hidaeki's prophecy.' However, he was not in the prophecy, meaning something was off.

It was rather late at night so he was taken off guard when someone run his door bell. He was even more bewildered when he saw Misato at his door step in a tight, red dress which barely covered her ass and showed off her flawless figure.

"Captain?"

"Call me Mistress," she cooed impishly as she stepped in. "Sorry about what happened a couple weeks ago, I don't want Shinji to think of me as a slut."

"You must really care about him."

"I do." She thought grimly, 'more than I should.' Her frown was swiftly turned upside down as her mischievous demeanor resurfaced. "Now, let's get down to business." She lifted her dress up, revealing she had no bra or panties on. When Naota gazed from her angelic face, on to her slim neck, rounded breasts, perky nipples, flat abs, cleanly shaved pelvis, silky thighs, soft calves, he instantly got an erection.

Needless to say, that was one night he would never forget.

((((section divider))))

In the morning, Misato apologized that their relationship would have to be on and off, some sort of friends with benefits jazz. It would have to be discreet until she was more sure about her feelings for her former love, Kaji (and unadmittingly, Shinji).

Naota didn't mind and wished her well. After Misato thanked him for being so understanding, she left with a massive smile on her face.

The young Nandaba was also quite content with the memory he now possessed. 'I wonder if Haruko or Mamimi would have been as good as her.'

**End Chapter One.**


	3. Ch 2: Painful Bliss

_Disclaimer: See prologue._

**Chapter Two: Painful Bliss**

Naota thought this was the third time in a month's time span that Gendo was screwing Ritsuko in plain site while he was being briefed about the group who severed power to Tokyo-3 and the Geo Front. 'Now that I think about it, didn't I catch him doing this to Naoko back in the day?'

He was also more shocked that Fuyutski was present, but not showing his distaste. 'Maybe they were riding a train on her?' He shook his head. 'Nah, Kouzo isn't that type of person. He just must be used to it by now.' He chuckled, "thank Kami I'm not him."

"Thank Kami you're not who?" A woman asked with a mischievous tone as she wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Not very discreet, Misato. Not that I mind, of course."

"My office, now," she ordered sternly.

"Yes ma'am!"

((((section divider))))

He had to be careful that no one saw him as he crept out of Misato's office. 'Coast's clear.' He smiled at her one last time as she was getting dressed. She blushed and whispered, "we'll do it again sometime soon."

As soon as he was out the door and walking back to his department's lab, a harsh whisper graced his ears. "How is she?"

"Ah, Agent Kaji. I'm sure you know the answer to that."

He chuckled. "You know, I don't know what's stopping me from pulling out my gun and planting one in the back of your skull."

"Look man, I don't want any trouble. Besides, you're a smart guy. You know if you kill me, they'll have a reason to put you away."

"You're right, you bastard. Consider yourself lucky."

((((section divider))))

A few days later...

Misato was promoted to Major prior to the defeat of the tenth angel. Shinji seemed to be upbeat after his father congratulated him. 'Man, he tries so hard to have his father approve of him. Too bad Gendo doesn't care.' Naota shivered. 'He makes my father look like a saint.'

Tomorrow, Naota and Misato were planning a double date. Tasuku had recently moved to Tokyo-3 and soon began work as the head of Section 2. 'I bet Hidaeki's prophecy saw nothing about this either.' His mind then shifted elsewhere. 'Oh well. I can't believe they're back together. I can't believe she went through all the trouble of seeking him out, especially after he cheated on her.' The young Nandaba was still a little jealous of his brother for getting to score Mamimi rather than him. She was his pre-Haruko childhood crush, after all.

"Hey Naota-kun, you look glum."

'Did I hear that right?' Naota dismissed that thought. "Hey Misato."

"You look depressed."

"Yeah, I don't really care to see my brother or Mamimi. It just brings back painful memories. In fact, I wish everyone in my family or anyone from my life in Mabase would just die."

He figured Misato would become frightened at his bold statement, but she was perfectly sympathetic. "Yeah, I don't like anyone from my youth either. Especially my parents."

"I feel you there."

"Say Naota-kun..."

'Again with the kun.'

"...we really need to talk."

"Yeah?"

"It's about us."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not sure if I want to be with you."

"It's okay, Misato. I don't mind if you need to sort out your feelings for Kaji."

"Fuck Kaji."

"Huh?"

"Let's get out of here first..."

((((section divider))))

Asuka and Shinji weren't around when we got to Misato's apartment, much to her delight. She spent quite some time telling me how much she despises Kaji and how she planned on sleeping with him solely to get information regarding Nerv. Although Naota was sure she wasn't completely truthful about that, he was sure she was truthful when she admitted her desire to be with Shinji.

Naota smiled to light up the mood. "You know, you would probably make Shinji's day... No, his life if you admitted that to him. Seriously, that kid doesn't know what it's like to live. I think you ought to help him with that. Asuka sure as hell isn't."

"You're such a hentai! Has it occurred to you he's half my age?"

"Hey, I was hit on by a 17 and 19 year old when I was 12, it's not that big a deal."

"Oh, you were not!"

"I was! My brother's girlfriend! Our father's perverted maid!" Naota half lied about Haruko. I've kissed them both!

Her jaw dropped. "You're serious!"

"Yeah, I wish I wasn't. My childhood sucked because of them as well as my parents. I liked them both, but then they left me." His body tensed up as he made tight fists. "It hurt so fucking much." Tears started to form in his eyes.

"Naota-kun..."

"Don't mind me, Misato. I'm content just being a scientist at Nerv. While I do like you a lot, Shinji is the one who needs you. He's the one who needs affection. If Asuka did like him, she would never admit to it in this lifetime. You're the only one who can save him."

'How does he know about this? Does he have access to their psychographs?' Misato inquired to herself, but she moved on. "So you're going to end it, just like that?"

"Misato, I'm happy with being your friend. Besides, you want inside information about Nerv? I have plenty."

She giggled. "Okay, Doctor Nandaba, you're pretty slick. Just makes me want to fuck you more. But don't think the debate about us is over!"

"Friends with benefits then?"

She smiled. "Sure, I can live with that. Now that we've got that settled, give me the inside information."

He told her everything about Atomsk, Medical Meccanica, and Keel Lorenz. While she was not expecting to hear what he had to say, she couldn't disregard anything as impossible since working for Nerv.

"So let me get this straight. Atomsk was an ethereal being who gave you his power before he died?"

Naota confirmed. "Yes."

"And Seele is a front for a far greater evil?"

Naota confirmed again. "Yes."

"Why wasn't this in Anno Hidaeki's prophecy?"

"I don't know. That's another one of my duty's at Nerv. But that's not important. What is important is that we stop Keel from destroying this universe. Be it with Evangelion or Atomsk's power, we have to do it and do it fast."

Misato couldn't agree more.

((((section divider))))

The next day...

Asuka, who just finished with her synch test, was summoned to the office of Commander Ikari, clad in her skin tight red plug suit as she wasn't given time to change.

Coming face to face with him should be an intimidating experience, but for some reason, the purple pimp hat he was wearing made him seem like a laughing stock.

"Y-yes commander?" She worked hard to suppress the laughter.

"In Nerv, there is a sacred tradition that is to be honored. One you have yet to do."

"Is that so?"

"Every female employee has to sleep with me at least once."

"WHAT!"

"Major Katsuragi has done it. Lieutenant Ibuki has done it. Rei has done it. Both Dr. Akagis have done so many times."

"What if I refuse?"

"I'm sure you're EVA will make for a fine source of ore."

"Nevermind." She unfastened her plugsuit and was naked within nanoseconds, ready to do the deed.

Gendo stood up from his chair and unzipped his pants as he approached. "Now, I expect you to call me Gendo the Pimp."

Asuka's eyes were wide with amazement as she witnessed the massive size of his member. "Mein Gott in Himmel!"

**End Chapter Two.**


	4. Ch 3: Lovely Surprises

_Disclaimer: See prologue._

**Chapter Three: Lovely Surprises**

The morning after the tedious and horrific experience of the eleventh angel corrupting the MAGI system, Misato couldn't help but ponder how close to death she was. Hell, she had come close to death on so many occasions, but this particular scenario as most frightening as this angel used one of their own devices against them. Being warned of this in Hidaeki's prophecy didn't seem to make it any less terrifying either.

But as we should all be aware, Hidaeki's prophecy isn't one hundred percent accurate. Case in point, Shinji had no idea what was to come this morning.

As he was cooking breakfast for Misato and himself (Asuka stayed the night at Hikari's for whatever reason), his guardian brought up a question which shocked the young man. "Shinji, if you were to die, would you have any regrets?"

He thought about it, then finally answered, "no. I really don't have anything to live for."

Misato was more shocked by the amount of value he places on his life, or lack there of. "Shinji, has it occurred to you that there might be someone on this planet who loves you?"

"That's bullshit, Misato."

'Wow, this kid really needs to cheer up.' And she planned to be the one who makes him. "Shinji-kun..." She got up from her seat and walk towards him.

The boy briefly glanced her over, noticing she was dressed in pajamas which fully exposed her midriff and barely covered a minority her rear and bosom. He blushed when she was within intimate distance from him.

"Shinji-kun, look at me, not my breasts, okay?"

"Y-yes ma'am!"

She always got a kick out of teasing the boy, especially when it made him stutter. However, today she would find pleasure elsewhere. "Has it occurred to you that I love you?"

Something was now extremely wrong. Hidaeki's prophecy spoke nothing of this. "Misato, you're joking, right? I mean, you are just teasing me, as always, right?"

His question was answered when her hand caressed his face then the back of his head before forcing her tongue into his mouth. Rather than questioning her motifs or if this was reality, he closed his eyes and clumsily brushed his tongue against hers.

They indulged in the wet kiss for what seemed like hours before a screaming voice, unknown to them, was projected from the kitchen door.

"EW! Get a room, you baka hentais!"

They were too occupied to notice.

Asuka just shrugged and proceeded to her demonic lair.

((((section divider))))

Elsewhere, in another realm...

A seemingly young woman with pink hair and golden eyes saw the events on earth transpire on her obsidian ball. 'This was not in my scenario.' She pounded her throne's chair with her fist. 'This must be Yahweh's doing!'

She cursed her luck. So it seemed that God was on to her. Her scenario would crumble and unless she took drastic measures, there would be nothing she could do about it.

'I have no choice, I will have to go to Earth myself and stop this!'

((((section divider))))

Moscow, Russia...

Naota was frantically looking through ancient documents in Seele's archives. Thanks to Hyuga Makoto, he managed to get access to facility as well as the details on security so he could elude the traps and guards.

He came upon a document with text from a language that was billions of years old, at least. It was unlike anything he ever saw, yet strangely enough, he was able to translate it. 'Atomsk, this must be his species' native language! It's the only explanation!' After he read through the document, he found out the truth: Anno Hidaeki and God were one in the same. It came clear to him that the TV program was not the prophecy of Hidaeki, rather that it was a warning from God himself of the cataclysmic events to come. However, that was not what surprised him the most. Raharu, his old crush, was actually Satan herself! She was the mastermind behind Seele and Medical Meccanica the whole time! "That manipulative bitch," the young Nandaba whispered. He also learned that Yahweh, Satan, and Atomsk were not really gods, but ethereal beings that were once human just like them. They simply ascended to a higher plain of existence at some point in time and now they were in the middle of some ethereal war.

'Where has Anno run off too? Is it up to me and me alone to defeat Satan?'

"I see someone has been having fun."

Naota swiftly turned around and saw himself face to face with an old man with visors. "Keel..."

"That's my mortal name, yes. My true name is Damien, son of Satan!"

"You mean Raharu!"

"That is her mortal name, yes."

"Well guess what, asshole. I have the power of Atomsk."

"And it's been dormant for some time." He grinned. "Where as my power is equal to that of my mother's and I can control it at will!"

'Oh shit,' Naota knew he was in for a wild ride, quite possibly his doom.

An aura of pure energy began to surround Keel but another being stepped in.

"You will not harm him. As long as my brother wishes it, I shall protect him if need be."

This man was insanely huge with bulging muscle mass, brown skin, silver hair, and ice blue eyes. Hercules would be envious of this fantastic specimen. His accent was also of a thick Celtic one.

"Who the hell are you?" Keel growled, flabbergasted that this man appeared out of thin air.

"I am Atomsk's brother. Odin, king of the Aasgard and rightful heir to the throne of Valhalla!"

Keel scowled, "you can't be serious!"

"Afraid I am, old chap!" The gargantuan Aasgard unsheathed a massive sword and cleaved Keel in two most effortlessly.

"Holy shit!" Noata cursed.

"Now, let's go back home!"

In the blink of an eye, they were in Naota's condo. "How the hell did you do that?"

"We ethereal beings are not bound by the laws of physics or time."

"Oh, right."

"Now, rest up young lad! Tomorrow we start your intense training!"

'Why do I not like the sound of that?' Naota had every reason in all of time and timelessness to be afraid.

((((section divider))))

Shinji awoke the next day with a warm sweat. He looked to his right and saw his lovely sleeping beauty. The heat emanating from their nude bodies was quite the comfortable experience for him. He smiled at the raven haired wonder and studied her face as she continued to slumber. "I love you, Misato-chan," he whispered before planting a soft kiss on her lips and returning to sleep.

**End Chapter Three.**


	5. Ch 4: Let the Games Begin

Disclaimer: Come on, you've seen it already.

**Chapter Four: Let the Games begin!**

Naota couldn't meet his trainer's expectations. In the first session, he was expected to curl 250, bench 1,500, squat 2,500, and dead lift 5,000, all of which were absolute pushover's in Odin's case. Yes, having 31 inch upper arms and 42 inch quads, there is very little that the Norse god couldn't do.'

"Come on, old chipper! You've got to push yourself! An Aesir soldier has to do at least double that!"

'Shame that I'm a _fucking human_. What a douche bag.' Needless to say, Naota wasn't even able to lift a single weight an inch off the ground.

After an hour in futility, it was time for meditation. This time Odin' was hoping Naota would be able to channel Atomsk's ethereal mite, but it proved less effective than the insane physical training.

"Come on lad, you have to try harder!"

Naota hopped to his feet, ready to call it quits. "There's no fucking way I can do this!"

"Sure there is!"

"Look, if you're so powerful, why don't you kill Satan yourself?"

"I most likely could, but my brother requested that I stay out of his affairs. Unless it involves protecting you from harm, I am to mind by own business."

'Thank you so much Atomsk! Thank you for expecting me to do this insane task of saving the universe! I'll be eternally grateful! ASSHOLE!' It all seemed pointless in the young Nandaba's perception.

((((section divider))))

It all went downhill from that point on.

At Nerv, he received a notification that he was getting an assistant within the next few months and he would be expected to bring this person up to speed on his department's status. Not surprisingly, he didn't get this person's resume or any other info regarding such. 'Probably some moron who doesn't have a scientific bone in his entire body.'

But the day was far from over. When he went to the break room, he saw Misato and Shinji, all alone. What caught his eye was the fact she was grinding her wondrous butt against the crotch of his pants. They both seemed to be enjoying themselves. Naota cursed his luck, but then tried to think more gracefully. 'At least they're happy.'

When he got back to his lab, he was in for a far worse surprise. Documents, circuit boards, and chemicals were scattered all over the place. A man who bared resemblance to him, but much more muscular and a few inches taller, was dancing on top of his desk. He also spotted a small stash of beer, weed, and cocaine.

"Tasuku, what the fuck do you think you're doing? Getting wasted on the job... again! Why do you think they kicked out of baseball?"

"Life is just too painful, man."

"Whoa, back up."

"Mamimi, she's cheating on me, man!"

"You know this for a fact?"

"No, but I'm positive! I can feel it!"

Naota scowled at his brother's lack of empirical proof. It's been nearly a year now, and due to the stress, he was having some serious cravings. "Got a cigarette, man?"

"No, but I've got some weed, bro!"

"You can borrow one of mine."

Naota turned to see his not so favorite spy, Ryouji Kaji. "Uh, thanks?"

The three men hung outside the base on the overly expansive garden that was the Geo front whilst they smoked.

"I apologize, Dr. Nandaba. It seems we got off on the wrong foot."

Naota arched an eyebrow as he looked to the double agent.

"It was wrong for me to blame you for fooling around with Misato. I shouldn't have been jealous."

"I feel ya there, dude! Woman can be such bitches!" Tasuku half screamed, still under the influence of intoxication.

"Yeah," Kaji half laughed.

There was a moment of silence.

"It seemed she used us both," Kaji spoke again.

"That she did. Plan on doing anything about it?"

"Not really. She's happy. Shinji's happy. They deserve it."

"Cheer up, fellas" Tasuku blurted, "at least you two got to fuck that fine piece of ass. Damn, that ho has massive boobs!"

Ryouji and Naota sighed in partial disgust.

((((section divider))))

Nearly two months have passed. The twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth angel were defeated with ease. In fact, many of the prophecies did not come to pass.

Shinji did not get trapped in a sea of daraq.

Unit 04 and the Nevada branch were still in tact.

Touji's plug was successfully ejected from the angel which possessed Unit 03, and the black EVA was deemed salvageable after Shinji disabled the core.

The four pilots, thanks to Misato's expert tactical advice, managed to over power Zeruel with out any one of the mecha or pilots reaching a risky 400 sync ratio.

The Seele agents assigned to kidnapping sub commander Kouzo were offed by Kaji and Tasuku before they could reach their target.

Naota and Odin were both aware that the successor to Atomsk's presence here had made a change for the better. It was Anno's will that Naota prevent many of the tragedies from occurring, and so far he was doing a good job.

Thanks to some what more lax working conditions, Naota and Ryouji had become somewhat good friends. They shared many things in common, they both shared a bed with Misato at one time or another, they both has insight to the conspiracy surrounding them. With their knowledge and will to survive, they both vowed to stop the threat of Seele, Medical Meccanica, and Raharu. And on this evening, when they were hanging out at an abandoned warehouse getting stoned, they could feel death was in the air.

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi approached from the shadows, a gun pointed at Naota.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but chairman Raharu sent me here to silence the both of you. You both know too much."

"Ah, Ritsu, wanna puff?" Kaji inquired.

The false blond doctor was briefly taken off guard by the super spy's offer, long enough for a pair of muscular 22" arms to wrap around her neck, tug, then sever her spinal cord completely.

After Ritsuko's corpse fell to the ground, the form of Tasuku came into the light. "I don't think she does, but you know I do!"

While they felt bad about what they did, they knew they did not have a choice. Ritsuko was loyal to Seele unanimously and had to be eliminated at all costs.

As a result of Ritsuko's death, Naota was assigned the new head of Project E.

**End Chapter Four.**


	6. Ch 5: Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Disclaimer: You've seen it already. Now stop asking for one!

**Chapter Five: Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!**

This day would be the big one, the day when Naota met his new coworker. He dreaded having to teach this newcomer everything, as well as bring this person into a organization surrounded by death and despair.

Luckily, several tragedies were avoided thus far.

One this particular day, not in the mood to train his coworker, he skipped work along with Kaji, Tasuku, and Mamimi.

While Mamimi was in fact cheating on her lover, fact of the matter is she still loved him and he forgave her, so it was all keen beans.

Anyhow, rather than sticking around the workplace, they went to a tavern on the outskirts of town, planning to get hammered on their self-granted day off.

They ordered a bottle of Smirnoff vodka was well as several sake bottles. Every now and again Tasuku and Mamimi would exhibition their affection, getting the attention of the other two men who were quite envious.

Mamimi was a doll with her voluptuous figure and glamorous face.

Seeing how Kaji and Naota have been single for quite some time they couldn't help but swoon over the maroon haired wonder.

"Some guys have all the luck," Naota muttered.

"Yeah," Kaji faintly followed up.

Silence came between them for a couple moments.

"Actually," Kaji blurted all the sudden, "there might be someone."

"Oh?"

"But she's too young."

Naota chuckled. "Asuka?"

"Correct."

"Well, Misato's dating Shinji and they seem to be doing alright. I don't see how it could be much worse in your case."

"Perhaps. But what about you? You'll be the odd man out."

Naota had always been the odd man out. He's always deviated from the norm and was quite used to it, as lonely as it could be at times. "I'm used to that."

((((section divider))))

Hours went by. Evening had arrived and the four were hammered beyond all comprehension. They were too drunk too drive, so they decided to walk to the nearest place between them, which was Naota's condo.

((((section divider))))

When they were eight blocks away from the bar, which is were Noata lived, someone unexpectedly grabbed Naota by the ear and shoved him to the ground. "I can't believe you skipped work, Naota! Getting drunk instead, huh? You haven't changed at all!" It was the voice of a female. The voice wasn't quite familiar, but those words rang a bell.

After he regained is posture, he retorted, "damn it, Ninamori, what the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that!"

"Looks like coming here was a mistake. I guess these three months of waiting for this moment were wasted!"

"Huh?"

"I'm you're new assistant, doctor Nandaba!"

Kaji laughed, "now I can tell you two were married at one time or another!"

That phrase brought back a lot of memories to the old childhood friends. Their old classmates would often tease them about how they argued like a married couple!

"Ha. It would never work out between us. He's always been so unorganized, insensitive, and rather slow in the head."

Naota grinned. "And you've always been a spoiled rich bitch."

"Grow up, Naota!"

"Ah, such fond reunions!" Ryouji blurted at his delight.

Naota was about to say something to further the argument, but then he remembered that they were one in the same. They were both neglected by their parents and really had no place to call home. "I'm sorry."

Eri wasn't expecting that. "Um, I'm sorry too."

"Good."

"Yeah."

An awkward silence passed between them for several moments.

"So, where are you staying? Naota inquired.

"Well, my living arrangements haven't been taken care of yet. I was hoping I could bunk with you."

A large portion of blood sprayed from Naota's nose as he fainted.

"Not like that, you hentai!" Eri scorned.

((((section divider))))

Naota awoke on the couch the next morning, quite groggily. He noticed that Ryouji, Tasuku, and Mamimi were no where to be found. "What... happened?"

"You're awake, my boy! It's time to start the training!"

'Why Anno, why?' That was all Naota could ask.

"Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about him," Eri, clad in a bra and panties, announced, "he showed up out of nowhere... after I got out of the shower!" She glared at the Norse divinity

"As I said, harlot, I am Odin, Lord of the Aesir and rightful heir to the throne of Valhalla!"

Noata assured her it's the truth.

Eri rolled her eyes. 'Dungeons and Dragons nerds.' She then turned around and headed for the kitchen.

Naota was about to have a heart attack. He had seen her in some pretty revealing lingerie before, but not in a thong. The fact her figure was so utterly perfect, voluptuous or slender in all the right areas, her long purple hair so straight and silky, her emerald eyes divine, her face like a goddess, made the organ in his pants throb. 'Oh yeah, come to papa.'

"Let's go lift some weights, boy!" Odin stated as he proceeded to drag Naota off the couch.

"Anno, no! At least let me enjoy this little moment to myself!"

((((section divider))))

As expected, the two hours spent training Naota's mind and body were futile. He made no progress with lifting any of the super heavy weights or channeling Atomsk's power.

Work at Nerv was quite awkward. It was bad enough that he and Eri were never on super good terms, but it was turned upside down when that memory of her in a thong kept clouding his head.

"Kami, you sure are out of it today," Eri said as she analyzed his profile

"I have a lot on my mind."

"Is it me? I'll work in another division if it's that much trouble."

"No. Yes. Well, it's complicated."

She sighed. "Tell me about it."

"Seeing my arch rival for the first time in twelve years was something I never expected."

Eri scoffed as she looked him in the eye, "arch rival? I was always under the impression that we were friends!"

"Outside of school, I suppose. But come on, you were the straight A class rep, I was the straight D class clown. You were always hounding me about my bad behavior and poor performance."

"That's because I cared about you."

"Sure had me fooled."

Eri was about to argue, but thought against it. "You know, when you left without any warning, it scared me... It saddened me. You were the only real friend I had." Tears were forming in her eyes.

"Come again?"

"You were so thick, Naota-kun! You still are!"

"...Uh."

She virtually screamed, "I was in love with you!"

Naota's jaw dropped.

She couldn't keep eye contact and averted her gaze. "...I'm still in love with you."

The young Nandaba didn't know what to say. He wanted to console her, to embrace her, to tell her that they would be together forever and ever, but the shock of it all paralyzed him.

"I'm sorry, Naota-kun. I shouldn't have burdened you with my emotional issues. I guess coming here was a mistake." Slowly, the young Ninamori walked away from him.

A minute or so later, he realized that he needed to run... FAST!

**End Chapter Five.**


	7. Ch 6: The Pimp Strikes Again!

_Disclaimer_: See chapter one.

**Chapter Six: The Pimp Strikes Again!**

Eri had to wipe her tears away as she paced through the cold, uninviting metal corridors of NERV. She was so caught up in her own emotional turmoil that she didn't watch where she was going.

"I've been expecting you, Doctor Ninamori," a cold voice spoke out to her.

She glanced up. "Commander Ikari?"

Somehow she wound up in his office. Eri had to try as hard as possible to suppress laughter when she saw Gendo's purple pimp hat.

"I'm not sure if anyone has spoke to you about our tradition..."

She drew blanks.

"I can see by the look on your face that you are oblivious to the custom then."

"Uh huh."

"Well, I shall say it bluntly. All female employees are required to sleep with me at least once."

"WHAT!"

"It is a tradition that has been honored for nearly twelve years. No one has yet to break it."

Eri's profile gave off the impression that she was pissed. "And what if I refuse?" Her answer came to her instantly when a cold metal object was pressed against the back of her skull.

Gendo smirked that sadistic smirk of his. "Nice of you to join us, Rei."

The blue haired pilot of Unit 00 smiled. "I am happy to be of service commander, but I get first dibs."

"Very well, but only if I get to watch."

Rei complied, as usual. "Of course, sir."

Without further ado, Gendo stood up and dropped his drawers, his bulging erecting sticking out over a foot.

Rei was undressing the older woman from behind as the commander began stroking his divine cock.

((((section divider))))

Less than fifteen minutes later...

Naota was running frantically through the corridors of NERV, desperate to find his childhood friend. He finally found her coming out of an elevator, white as a ghost.

"Eri!"

"I was forced to have sex with the commander!"

Naota's features went from relieved to disgusted. "Yeah, that happens all the time."

"How does he get away with something like that!"

"No clue, but it's best not to question a man with so much power."

"I guess."

"Anyway..."

"Yeah, anyway..."

"Eri, I love you."

She blushed at his sudden declaration.

He embraced her before he pressed his lips against hers. While Eri was caught off guard, she eventually returned the favor.

"How cute."

They parted, blushing.

"H-hey Major Katsuragi," Naota said a little shaken.

"I didn't know you were so smooth with the ladies, Doctor Nandaba."

"You're the operations director?" Eri inquired.

"Uh huh. I also dated your lover boy right there up until a few days ago. He was a jackhammer, let me tell you."

This embarrassed the man. "Misato, I don't think..."

Eri's profile became mischievous. "Hush Naota!" She took Misato's hand in her own. "Miss Katsuragi," she exclaimed with a beam on her profile.

"Call me Misato."

"Misato, I'm sure you're a very nice woman. I want to hear all about your relationship with Naota. It would be nice to know what I'm getting myself into."

"As you wish, doctor Ninamori."

"Please, call me Eri."

"Very well, Eri."

They smiled at each other before heading off.

Naota's jaw hung inches above the ground. 'What is this? Is there a conspiracy against me!'

"Looks like they're off to a good start, eh Nandaba?"

Naota gave a cold glance to his comrade. "Yeah, just super. Thanks for pointing that out, Kaji."

"Misato always said I had a habit of bringing out the worst in people."

The Nandaba didn't doubt the validity of said claim. "I bet."

"Well, let's follow them."

"Uh, why?"

"I'm a super spy, Nandaba, it's what I do! And I bet you're itching to know what embarrassing things they'll say about you behind your back."

Naota's demeanor pulled a 180, believing the double agent had a damn good point. "Hell yeah, let's go!"

((((section divider))))

The two males camped in the ally way next to the coffee shop where Misato and Eri were conversing, probably about Naota's shortcomings.

"Why are we out here if they are in there?"

Kaji snickered, drilling holes in the building metal exterior with a drill made of adamant alloy. "No need to get ourselves burned when I can tap the building's surveillance system."

"What if they don't have a surveillance system?"

"Nanomachine cameras."

"You have that stuff?"

"JSSDF, remember?"

"Oh yeah..."

A few minutes of tampering later, Kaji found the circuits he was looking for. "I'm in. Now I just need to find the right camera..." He checked his watch, which doubled as a multipurpose visual interface. "Here we are."

"...e had cat ears! They weren't prosthetic either, they came out of his N-O portal! He kept them hidden under his dorky hat, but one time in class I yanked it off. The look in his eyes was priceless, as well as everyone's reaction of course."

"Sexy," Misato cooed, "I wouldn't mind fucking a man with cat ears in the least." It was probably safe to assume she was thinking of Shinji with cat ears.

Kaji grinned. "Cat ears, eh Nandaba?"

"Shut up," Naota grunted under his breath.

"Anyway, enough about my stories, what about yours?"

Misato didn't speak too much of anything embarrassing, mostly how good in bed Naota was, which made Kaji sick to his stomach.

"What are you two doing?" A high pitched voice inquired.

Both men turned to the ally way entrance to see a female police officer.

However, Naota doubted he woman was a real police officer. In fact, he knew it as fact. "It's you!"

"Ah, have you been married to this woman also Nandaba?" Kaji had a playful smirk on his face. He was quite pleased with what he saw. "I don't think I've ever slept with a woman with yellow eyes before."

This woman indeed had yellow eyes, as well as pink hair.

"What are you doing here, Haruko?" Naota scowled.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I've ever met you."

"Ooh, burned!" Kaji laughed.

"I'm the one you hit upside the head with the guitar!"

"I do that to a lot of guys, you'll have to be more specific."

Kaji fell over from laughing.

"Nandaba Naota. Mabase, Japan."

"Doesn't ring a bell, sorry."

Naota sighed before he whispered, "fuggin' evil alie..."

"TA-KUN!"

The woman embraced him with a spine severing bear hug, eliciting moans of agony from the young man.

The spy just about died from laughter.

Naota struggled to get out of her crushing grasp. "Get off of me!"

She released him. "Aw, is my Ta-kun shy?"

"What are you planning, Raharu! Or should I say Satan?" The young man growled.

"You wound me," Haruko said with a said puppy dog face.

Kaji had that ever so sly grin on his face as he managed to get back to his feet. "That is no way to talk to a lady, Nandaba!"

"You can't tell me you're falling for her shenanigans!" Naota's jaw dropped.

"Don't worry about him, Haruko is it?" Kaji bowed and took Haruko's hand, kissing it.

"Such a gentlemen!" The pink haired wonder said with glee.

'This is fucked up,' Noata said internally.

Haruko was back in Naota's life, but what evil plot is she hatching? Why would she be so bold as to come face to face with her enemy, acting as if they were friends?

**End Chapter Six.**


End file.
